07 January, 2009

{why?}

Why am I blogging during school time? Sometimes it's because Em's working on homework, sometimes it's because I've been lazy and haven't gotten school started yet, but today is different. Today, I want to throw in the towel. Today, I want to send her back to school. Today, I wouldn't care if she went to the scary public school that we're "assigned" to. Today, I'm blogging instead of teaching...it's better for both of us right now.

I know I'm not the best teacher in the world. I don't have the most gentle spirit, the most soothing voice, the patience of Job and I didn't have the strength to keep the tears from streaming down my face during math time. I don't understand how a concept that was learned long ago can be suddenly forgotten. I don't understand how I can talk and teach and review only to get the "deer in the headlights" look. I seriously want to scream! Actually, I want to curl up on my bed and just cry.

This homeschooling thing is so far outside my comfort zone. I'm unorganized, a total procrastinator and totally unqualified. I know it's what God wants me to be doing for my daughter and my family right now. And I'm going to do it...come hell or high water! I've got a stubborn streak in me that won't let me quit even though I so want to today. I've got to push through and realize that these days will happen. But how do I not crumble when they do...that's the million dollar question.

I guess I just step away for a few minutes. Pray. Then go back and get things going again. At least that's what I'm going to do today.

5 comments:

Jeano said...

I am praying. You are a rock star. **smooooch*

Cindy Lou said...

I saw a poster in a magazine that fits this situation perfectly! It was originally designed by the British government during World War II. At the top is a print of the royal crown and below that are the words:

KEEP CALM and CARRY ON

Sounds like that's exactly what you did! Jolly good job!

Lynn said...

I feel like this ALL THE TIME! I think it's become a weekly thing for me to ask Scott, 'are you sure you don't want to send them to public school? It could be really good for them :)' I actually have gotten far enough behind that we are doing 6 days in 5 right now - not exactly helping my dilemnas :) But, every time we talk it through I remember WHY we are doing this and what it has accomplished in my family! So, I press on!!!

Just want you to know that every homeschool mom I have ever talked to has felt this way at times - so don't feel too badly about it - you're not alone! That's one reason I love Foundations - I feel like I have this support system even if I never even meet some of the moms. And, if you ever just need some time alone - we'd love to have the kids over to play... or join us for a Friday field trip!

Miss(es) Canadian Pie said...

Aww friend. I hate those moments in life where ya feel so defeated and frustrated. But I think by stepping away for a moment and collecting yourself seems to be a good thing to do. I couldn't help but think that maybe the Lord will teach you something new during this time. Perhaps the very reasons you think you are underqualified are all the things he may want to shape in you. Either way, hang in there. Remember, when we are weak, he is strong.

Anonymous said...

Hey! Tonya - Remember as a homeschooling mom.... WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE! I second guess myself at least every week. When I get to that point of AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, we always set that assignment aside. One thing I have started doing is when we have one of those moments we all curl up on the couch and I read out loud. I have been know to turn on some good music and we sing. This gets the frustration out. For me a pepsi helps too (grin)! NEVER feel like you are alone, there are too many of us who are here to help, pray and love on ya!

Have a great day!
Rachelle Sutton